I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
