he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
