somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This baby is an asshole
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
