dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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