I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
