I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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