We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
