Just cropdusted the office
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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