Cold hands, warm shart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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