Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
