How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize