Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
