She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
