Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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