Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
