If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
