My room smells like vodka and shame
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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