at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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