i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
