My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
