My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize