Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
