Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
