Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
