He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
