how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
