He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
