Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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