The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize