I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
