erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
