So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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