I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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