hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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