Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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