party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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