A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
