Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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