So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
