im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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