Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize