I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
