Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
