The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
did i just pee glitter
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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