I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
