Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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