i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
