haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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