So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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