If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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