I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
