Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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