...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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