If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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