So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
