i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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