i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
