So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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