its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize