Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My cat gives me a boner
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
