Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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